“Ask For What You Need”

Niagara Mediator home officeI’ve been using this line on my kids for years when they’re melting down or frustrated. It teaches them to articulate their feelings and find solutions to their problems. Sometimes the answers aren’t pretty (“I need for my sister to stop being a bumface!”) or realistic (“I need to never have to do math again”), but at least they start us down the road of problem solving!

We can start to find solutions when we ask ourselves what we really need in a stressful moment. This can move us forward rather than ruminating in the same bad feelings. The answer can be something immediate like leaving the room, going for a walk, or taking a nap. It could be something bigger like leaving a job, apologizing, or ending a relationship.

Try it out. Next time you’re upset figure out what you need and then ask for it. Also try reminding your kids or your partner that you are a safe place for them to ask for what they need. You’ll be modelling your own self-care, and also your love and respect for those around you.

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