Find the Good

When you’ve been through hell with an ex it can seem impossible to see any good in them. It seems less painful to write them off as a horrible jerk rather than to unpack your complicated feelings about them and the way your relationship ended. What I see as a mediator is that both parties are often reaching out with small acts of kindness and respect that go unnoticed. There are lots of small peace offerings and olive branches happening, but they can go unseen by a person who is blinded with resentment and anger.

I see offering first pick of the house contents or holiday schedules. I see offering to do both pick-up and drop-off of the kids because of work schedule demands. I see people sit quietly and listen while the other person vents all of their anger towards them – because they know they need to get it out. I see clients quickly paying the whole session fee before the other person can even pay half. I see people agreeing to far less financial gain because they truly want the other person be successful and happy.

What can you see? Rather than dwelling on all the ways your ex has hurt you, can you try to find the small ways that they’re doing good to you or your kids? Can you find even one thing and acknowledge it or thank them for it? If you focus on these small niceties instead of the negative you might be able to see their humanity rather than all of the ways they wrong you. In doing so your goodwill towards that person will increase and a lot of the animosity in the relationship will start to fade.

Try it out. Grow the good you see instead of the negative and see what happens to your own peace of mind.

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