If you’re beginning a separation and have children, a parenting plan is typically part of the services you’ll need when you come to mediation. You’ll negotiate a parenting plan along with property division and support calculations. Primarily the parenting plan outlines the terms for parenting time and decision making, which used to be called “access” and “custody.” These terms changed with revisions to the Divorce Act in 2020. The plan will include a schedule for regular parenting time, holidays and special occasions, and vacation time, as well as agreements about how you’ll make major decisions for your children. Most plans negotiated with lawyers will stop there, but we know that co-parenting is complex and leaving parents with a plan that isn’t detailed can often lead to ongoing disagreements and conflict.
In mediation you’ll be negotiating these legal definitions of time and decision making but you’ll also be able to discuss the specific needs of your children and how you expect to arrange your co-parenting relationship. In this way I mediate parenting plans somewhat like a crash course in co-parenting where clients have time to consider and discuss details that will help them move forward in their separation better understanding the expectations, responsibilities and boundaries to their co-parenting relationship. Some examples of the many issues discussed may include:
- Children’s screen time and use of social media
- Arranging, booking, providing transportation to medical appointments
- Children’s haircuts, piercings, tattoos
- Deciding and booking extracurricular activities
- Parents attending extracurriculars that aren’t on their parenting time
- Communicating with children outside of parenting time.
- Children refusing parenting time
- Communication between parents – using coparenting apps, scheduled phone calls, dispute resolution
Where there may be disputes I work with each party separately and together to determine what the issues are and why, and how they can be overcome in a settlement that works best for children. We know that it’s not the separation that hurts children, it’s the conflict between their parents. Addressing this conflict during mediation and creating a plan that has buy-in from both parties helps you better create peace and consistency for your children.